A while back I shared a little about the post-partum depression that I and countless other new/young moms face. While I described some of the internal struggle, today I wanted to take a moment this time to follow up on how you can help a young mom.
- Isolation and loneliness are strong: be a part of her life
Now this one is tricky because she may be very guarded, but often she is struggling with intense loneliness especially if she is keeping to the first few weeks of quarantine. Respect any wishes for privacy and protect her little one, but send a text occasionally just to reach out or a funny meme, YouTube video, etc. Be there mostly for her, not as someone who wants to take and hold the baby the second you see her if you do get the opportunity. Take over a meal and spend some time doing life with her whether that means folding laundry together or helping her address thank you cards (see below for help ideas). The biggest thing is just being present in her life and letting her know she is not forgotten and very loved and she has a safe place to unburden her heart without someone trying to “fix” her or the circumstances she is in. She just wants to talk and know someone is there to listen.
- Loss of identity is hard: see her
It’s easy to get lost in being mom and “milking goat” and hard to find things that bring life. But especially when she has visitors and all the attention is on the baby and she then feels more pushed aside—a mere end to a means. See her for who she was before baby, who she is after baby, and who she is struggling to be in the middle of the transition. It is a hard transition often times and one that can be confusing to balance. Getting out of the house if possible to do something fun for “girl time” is also a huge help even if the baby comes along for the trip and it’s after the quarantine! Every mom is different so find what helps her feel like herself again and what her limitations are!
- Having to be constantly vigilant of the baby is taxing: protect her newborn
If you get to visit make sure you always give a significant heads up before going, ask permission, don’t kiss the baby’s hands or face or really anywhere! Don’t go if you are sick, have been sick recently or have been around sick people (which is bad during cold season!). The more you are consciously aware of her protection, the more mom can relax, feel comfortable releasing her baby and be able to rest.
- She doesn’t know how to ask for help: pick something instead of asking open-ended questions
It’s hard to know what you need in the middle of any huge life changes or emotional barriers. So instead of asking “what can I help you with?” or “let me know what I can do.” Find a task that you know will be a blessing and just do it. For instance, a mom with more than one child a task that would be HUUUUGE is spending time cleaning the car seat(s). This article is a great one to read for understanding that concept. It may be in regards to a death in the family but the servant example is beautiful and exactly what some young mothers need. Just maybe taking a can of shoe shine with you instead of having to hunt some down if you do shoes! Other ideas for helping include: washing dishes, mopping floors, deep cleaning the carpet, organizing the pantry, cleaning the refrigerator, cleaning the microwave, get her grocery list or errands list and do them for her, style her hair, cook her a meal…find what helps and means a lot to her and do it. Even if it is quiet and in the background.
When one of my friends had a baby a couple years ago, any time I was in town I would go over and take groceries for a meal and cook it there for her while she napped, or had newborn pictures taken, or nursed. I wasn’t there to intrude or stop her normal daily routine, just to make sure she didn’t have to think about a meal or the clean up after. I never asked to hold the baby during those times unless she directly asked me to so she could use the restroom or take care of her eldest. I just made myself available and if she wanted to talk we did but she never felt pressured to entertain or clean up before I got there. That’s what means the world to a young mom and more than likely she won’t ask.
So if you know of someone who recently had a baby, do some investigating and find what will bless her in this time of life! If you have been in these shoes, what are ways that would have helped or where someone demonstrated true friendship to you during those times?
